Anxiety often sneaks in amidst our caregiving. Naturally, we want to provide the best care for our family member. As a result, we want to be on top of the many tasks and errands. We find ourselves multi-tasking, monitoring in detail the care for our loved ones and identifying possible emergencies that may arise. Before we know it, we find our mind churning worries. Unknowingly, anxiety has joined us in our caregiving journey.
As caregivers, we also adapt to our loved one’s illness progression. Our loved ones may have new symptoms that require us to change the way we care for them. We may need to change their diet or activities. We may be more involved in helping them with their daily activities like moving about, showering etc. These constant changes are uncertain and contributes to caregivers’ anxiety.
Having been a caregiver to both my parents for the past 17 years, I had fair share of experiences with caregiver anxiety. In my clinical work with caregivers, many have also struggled with anxiety related symptoms like difficulty sleeping, irritability and panic. Fortunately, there are ways we can tap into to manage our anxiety better. Here are some strategies adapted from psychological interventions of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy that may be helpful for you:
1. Identify What You Are Most Anxious About
Often times, we feel anxious because we are overwhelmed by many issues that we have to handle. All issues seem urgent and important. The issues seem impossible to manage.
One helpful way is to slow down, give ourselves space to take a moment to ask ourselves what we are most anxious or concern about amongst the varied issues. Once we identify what we are most concern about, it’s like hitting the bull’s eyes of the target, we can identify effective actions to manage the core issue. Once the core concern is managed, the other concerns will seem more manageable.
Earlier in my caregiving journey, I felt stuck and helpless about how to care for my father with dementia and Parkinson’s Disease. I worry he will fall when he gets up in the dark at night. I worry if I leave the lights on it will affect his sleep. As you can see my worries snowball and I was actually not problem solving. Only when I identify that my core issue was safety for him in the middle of the night, was I able problem solve that I could get motion activated lights for him.
2. Realistically Estimate The Probability
When we are anxious, we tend to overestimate the negative consequences. We underestimate our ability and resources to cope. When we are anxious, we may also overestimate the probability of the negative consequences happening.
If we ask ourselves about the odds of the negative consequences happening, we may realize that it is not as high as we thought. This does not mean that we do not take any actions to manage the situation, it just free us from excessive anxiety, puts things in perspective so that we are in a better position to problem solve.
A caregiver I work with was worried about her mother losing her way and not able to find her way home. However, when we realistically evaluated her situation, her mother had a helper and other family members who looked after her. It is unlikely that she will be venturing out alone. This helped to allay her anxiety. Nonetheless, we still help her to explore how she could register her mother with a digital platform to ensure safe return for her mother should she wonders about alone.
3. Focus On Solving, Coping, Accepting
When we are anxious, we tend to focus on the problem. As the problem becomes the spotlight, it makes it difficult for us to engage in effective problem solving. Instead, our mind will generate more and more negative consequences and more problems. Focusing on what steps can be taken in the direction of solving the issue. If it cannot be solved, focus on what can be done to help you cope better. Or, focus on what you need to help you accept the situation better.
A caregiver shared with me that she was initially very anxious about how to manage her father’s incontinence. She feels torn about using diapers. Eventually she tried to solve her father’s issues of wetting himself by using diapers when they go out. If they are at home, she tries not to use diapers and she also copes with it by monitoring the time that her father typically needs to go to the washroom. She will remind him every few hours to go to the washroom. To help herself accept the situation better, she mentally prepares herself that despite all she does, he may still wet himself sometimes due to his condition.
4. Identify Who Can Help You
Sometimes we get anxious because we get stuck in coming up with solutions and feel the situation cannot be changed. It may be helpful to seek help from others to brainstorm for possible solutions. You can seek the advice of medical professionals. You could take references from other caregivers by joining support groups, activities or online platforms.
To experience anxiety in caregiving is normal. But that does not mean that we cannot do anything about it. Managing our anxiety puts us in a better position and frame of mind for caregiving.
Mr Lew Yuen Foong (Henry)
Registered Psychologist and Approved Clinical Supervisor (Singapore Psychological Society)
All information is accurate at the time of publishing.